Fact is, not everyone will be delighted with your attempts to learn their language. We all have bad days when dealing with a foreigner’s broken whateverese is not exactly appealing.

A blunt remark, tense sigh or frustrated grumble here and there may be unpleasant on the receiving end, but they’re understandable and forgivable.

Some people, however, are just plain rude and want to make you feel inferior. They may roll their eyes at your mispronunciations, frown and answer curtly in English when you speak to them in the local language, snicker and whisper to the person next to them, or mock your accent and gestures (and not in a “cute” way) while their friends laugh out loud. Yes, all these things have happened to me at one time or another. And I didn’t die…or even pass out.

If worry over how other people might treat you while you’re learning is holding you back, here are a few things you can do about it.

Get Some Backup

Make sure you’re not socially isolated, which is a real risk in a new country where you barely speak the language. Friends—people who like and respect you, that is—help you remember that in the grand scheme of things, some stranger’s rude remark doesn’t matter much. You vent, get sympathy or suggestions, and get over it so you can go back “out there” again.

If you’re trying to avoid speaking your own language, make friends with other well adjusted foreigners who speak the local language. But especially make friends with locals. When you vent to someone who understands the local culture, they can warn you if made a serious faux pas, tell you what you should have said instead, or reassure you that, yes, that chick who rolled her eyes was being rude and it wasn’t your fault.

Laughing at Versus Laughing with

Make sure you’re not taking things more personally than they’re meant. I first noticed the danger of this in a college French class conversation group lead by a native French speaker. It all started with the French word for nose, which is spelled nez, but pronounced “nay.”

One student pronounced it with a z several times. Finally the native speaker commented, almost as an aside, “And don’t say, ‘nezzz.’ It sounds ridiculous.” I thought of it as a little friendly teasing and I’d heard comments like that about my Russian, too.

After class, though, the mispronouncing student commented on how rude and hurtful the remark was. It’s anyone’s guess as to how the French guy meant that comment, but how it was interpreted could have made all the difference.

If you feel picked on, lighten the mood with your own retort. I can only imagine the class’s reaction if she’d said, “Well, sorry, but the French spell funny.” Whenever my young students teased me about not being able to roll my r’s well. I’d reply with, “Say, ‘this.’ Ththth.” Of course, they couldn’t. Stopped them in their tracks to realize maybe I’m not the only one who “talks funny.” In other words, if teased, tease back.

They’re Not Worth Your Time

As for people you’re fairly sure are trying to put you down, well, like Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It can be a bit of a shock to run into someone who deliberately tries to make you feel bad, but keep one thing in mind: these people are being rude.

Their mothers would be ashamed. Decent, kind people don’t sneer at and mock others, now do they? As far as I’m concerned, insulting someone because of their native language (and the fact that it isn’t yours) is right up there with insulting someone because of their race, religion, or gender.

So there’s no reason you should let these other people’s low class behavior make you hesitant to continue speaking your new language. Their attitude does not reflect on you as a person or a language learner. Forget them and keep practicing.

If you’re generally not too confident speaking a foreign language anywhere or with anyone, here are some more tips on overcoming the fear of speaking a foreign language.

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Just to clear up a common misconception, technically “introverted” and “shy” aren’t the same thing. A shy person often wants to be more social, but finds it difficult.

We introverts may have no problem being social, but avoid doing so because we find it draining. We usually prefer one-to-one or small-group conversations and avoid mingling in large groups. A lot of us hate pointless chit-chat, preferring more serious, deeper conversations.

“By Myers-Briggs’ definition, an introvert derives energy from his or her internal world of emotions and ideas, while an extrovert draws from the outside world of people and activities for spiritual sustenance.” (Source: CIO )

If that sounds like you, here are a few thoughts on increasing your speaking fluency in a foreign language without draining your “social batteries” too much.

Find a Roommate

I’ve found this absolutely invaluable both for language practice and getting to know the local culture. It’s handy to have someone you can ask for useful phrases, as well as ask to clarify etiquette issues or explain exactly what today’s holiday is all about. And for an introvert, it’s often much easier to have one person you can get to know well than to try to be a social butterfly.

At thirty-*cough-cough,* though, I’m not comfortable with couch-surfing or staying in hostels (they’re called “youth” hostels for a reason). Away from home, I usually rent with one other person. I’ve usually just stayed in a tourist apartment until I can either meet a local who can advise on apartment-hunting, but you could also find out on your own which local newspapers or websites have “roommate wanted” ads.

If you don’t know much of the local language, look for someone who speaks just a little of your language and, even better, isn’t working on learning more. Since you’re immersed in the local languages, chances are you’ll learn that much faster than your roommate will learn yours and soon it will just be easier to speak the local language. If you work at home, you might want to avoid students, since they who tend to be in and out all day, which can get disruptive.

For short-term stays, an alternative to the loud, boisterous youth hostel is the guest house or boutique hotel. Guest houses outside the main tourist areas are not only cheaper, but also have fewer foreigners. Try to get a room near the lobby and hang out in the lobby as often as you can. These places may have long-term residents you can get to know if you spend enough time out where you’re visible.

Seek Out Interesting People

Are you the typical introvert who hate superficial chit chat, gossip, and conversations that go nowhere? The fact that you’re looking for people to practice talking to doesn’t mean you have to talk to anyone and everyone.

Go look for new friends anywhere you’d go if you spoke the language fluently and wanted to meet some people you can really connect with. When I first arrived in Budapest, I went to book readings even though I hardly understood Hungarian at all, much less literary Hungarian.

Put up an ad offering language exchange sessions and list your interests. By mentioning the things you like to talk about, you increase your chances of meeting someone like-minded. This more structured type of socializing puts less pressure on you because there’s no wondering when to invite the other person or when they’re going to home.

Another strategy that can be more structured and intellectually engaging that fellow hostel-occupants is to look for volunteer opportunities. You’ll almost certainly be given a job that doesn’t require knowledge of the local language, but you’ll come in contact with people who speak only that language.

Make the First Move

This is much easier in some cultures than others. In some places you can hide behind a book and people will still come up and try to chat with you. In other places, you could sit there in silence all day.

Within the local norm, try to strike up conversations whenever you can. It doesn’t matter that, as an introvert, you wouldn’t chit-chat with strangers even in your native language. You don’t need to go into it with the intention of “getting to know” the other person. All you’re really trying to do is practice a little. You say something like, “Hey, those are great looking shoes. I bet they’re really comfortable.” and you’ll probably get one of the following reactions:

• A disgusted look
• A surprised look
• A polite brush-off comment such as “Uh-huh.”
• A thoughtful, engaging reply

The first is unlikely and the second isn’t so bad. With the third, you can decide based on other social cues whether you want to press on or drop it.

Obviously, it’s the fourth we hope for. Depending on the person and the culture, you might exchange a few words or end up exchanging phone numbers with plans to meet. Either way, you got in a little speaking practice.

Getting enough foreign language speaking practice may take a little more planning and effort for us introverts, but it’s entirely possible to do while still being true to our wonderful little introverted selves.

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While phrasebooks, dictionaries, grammar exercise books, and the like are important, it’s equally important to supplement your learning material with native-level text and audio right from the beginning.

It Connects You to Native Speakers

Vocabulary lists and grammar rules in textbooks can feel artificial unless they’re connected to the world of native speakers. If you’re studying French, without evidence that real French people use the words in your textbook, you start to feel like you may as well be learning Klingon in preparation for your trip to Paris.

Once you get to this point, your brain starts to reject the information you’re feeding it because of your subconscious doubts that what you’re studying is important. Seeing words and grammar in use where native speakers are communicating with each other clears up any doubts.

It’s Motivating, Rewarding, and Dare I Say…Fun

Delving into authentic material is a little like taking the training wheels off the bicycle. A kid who can ride well with training wheels still wonders whether they can “really” ride a bike.

Likewise, learning a language from “learning material” can make you feel like no matter how well you read those textbook passages, you might still be very far from your goal of being able to communicate with native speakers.

In reality, you’re probably closer than you think. Realizing you can already get something out of authentic material makes you feel like you’re really entering the world of native speakers.

It also shows you the language may not be as scary or overwhelming as you thought. Learning Russian? Break open that Russian newspaper and start to read anywhere. Can you read the words in Cyrillic? Great! Can you understand anything, even a few words? Even better! That’s proof positive that you’ve learned something.

Sure, it might be hard, but at least you know it won’t get any harder. Native speakers aren’t going to start inventing more intricate grammar as soon as you start catching up to their level of knowledge.

It Helps You Master the Essentials First

A good course book should give you a solid foundation in basic vocabulary and essential grammar. Still, it’s hard for a fluent speaker of a language—native or otherwise—to identify exactly those words and grammar features a learner needs first, next, and later. Not to mention individuals have different needs. You might need vocabulary for job hunting, while someone else needs it for childcare.

When you’re dealing with authentic material, you’ll naturally come across the “most important” words and grammar features again and again. You can’t help but review them. Another advantage of using authentic material is that you can choose which topics you spend your time on. If you’re interested in auto repair, the average text book probably won’t build your car-related vocabulary much, but car magazines will.

How to Get More of the Good Stuff

Check your local libraries for books, magazines, movies on tape, and audio CDs or cassettes. Depending on where you live, they may surprise you with their array of foreign language goodies. If they don’t have anything in stock, ask if they can take something out from another library.

Find an online newspaper, magazine or blog (or several) that has enough content to keep you genuinely interested and coming back daily. Check YouTube.com and similar sites for audio-video. Make it a habit to browse your favorite sites every day, even if you only read a few paragraphs or watch one video.

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So, who’s right? Is it really possible to at least develop decent communication skills totally online?

What’s Possible Online

If you want to learn to communicate comfortably and maybe pass an intermediate level exam in a language, I think it’s safe to say you can reach those goals learning purely online. After all, every major language skill can be practiced over the Internet.

The standard language class focuses on four communications skills:

• Reading
• Writing
• Listening
• Speaking

The passive skills—reading and listening—are easy enough to manage online. Even in less common languages, you can still find newspapers, blogs, music videos and other interesting stuff to practice with. Writing isn’t too much harder to practice online with a keypal or email-based lessons. That leaves speaking as the main challenge.

Building Speaking Skills Online

The most efficient way improve your speaking skills online is with a tutor or a language exchange partner use a VoIP program like Skype of Yahoo! Chat. The idea behind a language exchange is to swap language knowledge. In most cases, this is great for free, casual conversation practice. It can also help build your confidence if you’re a little shy about talking to native speakers.

If you’re really serious about improving your skills and you don’t mind paying, though, a qualified professional tutor is a better option. Working with a tutor, you won’t have to worry about planning lessons or figuring out how to teach your mother tongue (a challenge in itself).

A paid tutor is also much less likely to show up unprepared or blow off lessons altogether because they had better things to do. Another benefit is that tutor can tell you exactly why certain things are said the way they are, whereas a native speaker may only be able to tell you what “sounds right.” That helps you grasp the logic of the language faster.

The Mindset for Learning Online

The Internet gives you access to almost everything you need to get conversational in a language, but there are a few reasons online-only learning may not be the best option for you.

Even if you’re enrolled in a well planned and carefully managed course, when you’re learning online, you still have more responsibility for your learning than you do in a classroom-based course. When you’re sitting behind your computer, no one is there to get your attention when your eyes glaze over during a listening exercise or ask you why you’re leaving class early. If you’re not really the self-motivated type (no shame in that), you’ll probably do better taking classes in person.

Learning a language online also isn’t ideal if you learn better in a social environment. If you just like to have people around to chat with and mutually encourage, at the very least you’ll probably want to join a local study group and pair up with a motivational partner.

Online language learning resources provide and they’re worth using even if you’re enrolled in a classroom-based course. If you decide you want to go for self-guided online language learning, check out the Faster Foreign Language Learning book for more tips on learning more efficiently.

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Consider Why You’re Procrastinating

Reason #1: Confusion

Are you confused about what to learn first or concerned about misteaching yourself and doing permanent damage to your vocabulary or accent? If so, presuming neither a classroom-based course or private tutor are in the budget right now, find a good self-study course and use that as your jumping off point.

Look for a professionally designed course with above-average reviews, but don’t waste time searching for “the perfect course” that will teach you everything you need to know and do so flawlessly.

Your first course is just the beginning. No course or textbook can teach you everything, much less teach you everything perfectly, but the good ones can get you started, which is all you need at this point. For common languages, Pimsleur (for “immersion” style) and the Teach Yourself courses (for more structured study) are both good.

Reason #2: Boredom

Are you expected to learn this language for school, work, or another reason that has nothing to do with what you really want to do with your time? In that case, focus on what ultimate goal you’ll be able to reach once you pass your language exam.

Take a few minutes to write down what’s in it for you if you meet your language learning goals. It might be opportunities like applying for better jobs, getting a raise, meeting your degree requirements and graduating on time, understanding your favorite songs in the language, translating your great-grandmother’s recipe book, or just talking with the native speakers around you. Put your list of rewards where you’ll see it every day.

Ease in

Learning a language can seem like an overwhelming task if you really think about everything you need to learn. Hundreds, maybe thousands of words! Dozens of grammar rules! Exceptions galore! The names of all the past prime ministers’ pets in alphabetical order!

If thinking about all that drains your motivation, stop thinking about it. Just take one small step toward involving the language in your daily routine. Today. Buy some music in your target language and put it on while you’re doing something else. Better yet, pick up an audio course and listen whenever you have a little time.

Sign up for a word-a-day email or similar service. Keep some light reading material with you (in your purse, your car, etc.) that you can skim when you have a few spare minutes. If you’re just starting to learn the language, a pocket phrasebook is ideal for this.

These first steps should be things you can easily manage on a daily basis, even when on busier days. Daily involvement with the language is essential for keeping up your momentum.

Set Modest Goals

Baby steps, that is. Instead of intimidating yourself with far-off major goals, break things down into tasks that you’re 100% certain you can do.

Conventional language-teacher wisdom says the average learner can learn about seven words a day. Think you can learn five? Or maybe just three? While this may sound like a slow rate, it’s still faster than learning nothing until you’re “ready” to start learning 10 words a day.

For grammar and other features of the language, check the recommended period of time for working through your chosen course book. If you’re not sure, ask a language teacher at a local college or private language school. Give yourself twice that much time so you can work at a relaxed, no-stress pace.

Find a Partner

There’s nothing like another person holding you accountable to keep you on track. Post a notice at the library, college or other place of learning, the grocery store or online at craigslist.org looking for a local partner to practice your target language with. With luck, you may get a whole group together.

If you’re studying a less common language (Urdu, anyone? Aramaic, maybe?), you may want to pair up with someone studying any language at all so you can at least encourage each other.

An online language exchange partner is another option. Check out sites like livemocha.com or italki.com to find a native speaker of your target language to pair up with.

Fit Words in Edgewise

A big part of what keeps us procrastinating is the feeling that we don’t have time to study. By making use of little scraps of free time throughout the day, you might be surprised how much you can learn.

Keep some study material by your bed so you can review before you turn out the lights and again before you get up. Tie study to tasks you already do every day. Mentally compose a dialogue in your target language while you’re taking a shower or making the bed.

Review a grammar topic in your car before you start home from work. The trick with this is to keep your study material accessible. It you have to dig it out of a drawer or turn on the computer to get to it, it’s easy to forget about it. Check out the post on How to Learn Foreign Language Vocabulary When You Have No Time to Study fore more time management tips.

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