Faster Foreign Language Learning » afraid to speak foreign language

Worried about Being Laughed at? Don’t Let Rude People Hold You Back!

Amelia — Fri, 21 May 2010 19:11:48 +0000

Some of the fear a lot of us have about jumping right into to speaking a new language comes from the idea that people will treat us badly because we don’t speak well. For the most part it’s not true, but it can happen.

Fact is, not everyone will be delighted with your attempts to learn their language. We all have bad days when dealing with a foreigner’s broken whateverese is not exactly appealing.

A blunt remark, tense sigh or frustrated grumble here and there may be unpleasant on the receiving end, but they’re understandable and forgivable.

Some people, however, are just plain rude and want to make you feel inferior. They may roll their eyes at your mispronunciations, frown and answer curtly in English when you speak to them in the local language, snicker and whisper to the person next to them, or mock your accent and gestures (and not in a “cute” way) while their friends laugh out loud. Yes, all these things have happened to me at one time or another. And I didn’t die…or even pass out.

If worry over how other people might treat you while you’re learning is holding you back, here are a few things you can do about it.

Get Some Backup

Make sure you’re not socially isolated, which is a real risk in a new country where you barely speak the language. Friends—people who like and respect you, that is—help you remember that in the grand scheme of things, some stranger’s rude remark doesn’t matter much. You vent, get sympathy or suggestions, and get over it so you can go back “out there” again.

If you’re trying to avoid speaking your own language, make friends with other well adjusted foreigners who speak the local language. But especially make friends with locals. When you vent to someone who understands the local culture, they can warn you if made a serious faux pas, tell you what you should have said instead, or reassure you that, yes, that chick who rolled her eyes was being rude and it wasn’t your fault.

Laughing at Versus Laughing with

Make sure you’re not taking things more personally than they’re meant. I first noticed the danger of this in a college French class conversation group lead by a native French speaker. It all started with the French word for nose, which is spelled nez, but pronounced “nay.”

One student pronounced it with a z several times. Finally the native speaker commented, almost as an aside, “And don’t say, ‘nezzz.’ It sounds ridiculous.” I thought of it as a little friendly teasing and I’d heard comments like that about my Russian, too.

After class, though, the mispronouncing student commented on how rude and hurtful the remark was. It’s anyone’s guess as to how the French guy meant that comment, but how it was interpreted could have made all the difference.

If you feel picked on, lighten the mood with your own retort. I can only imagine the class’s reaction if she’d said, “Well, sorry, but the French spell funny.” Whenever my young students teased me about not being able to roll my r’s well. I’d reply with, “Say, ‘this.’ Ththth.” Of course, they couldn’t. Stopped them in their tracks to realize maybe I’m not the only one who “talks funny.” In other words, if teased, tease back.

They’re Not Worth Your Time

As for people you’re fairly sure are trying to put you down, well, like Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It can be a bit of a shock to run into someone who deliberately tries to make you feel bad, but keep one thing in mind: these people are being rude.

Their mothers would be ashamed. Decent, kind people don’t sneer at and mock others, now do they? As far as I’m concerned, insulting someone because of their native language (and the fact that it isn’t yours) is right up there with insulting someone because of their race, religion, or gender.

So there’s no reason you should let these other people’s low class behavior make you hesitant to continue speaking your new language. Their attitude does not reflect on you as a person or a language learner. Forget them and keep practicing.

If you’re generally not too confident speaking a foreign language anywhere or with anyone, here are some more tips on overcoming the fear of speaking a foreign language.

How to Overcome Fear of Speaking a Foreign Language

Amelia — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 08:40:20 +0000

A very common roadblock in learning another language is the fear of speaking a foreign language. We worry we’re going to sound stupid, say one thing when we meant another, or at the very least that people won’t understand us and we’ll sound like blithering idiots.

A little shyness is normal, but some learners have a real dread of saying foreign words when anyone else is around. Needless to say, that dread can stop any real language learning. If that sounds like you, here are some simple, low-stress steps you can take to get closer to being able to speak a foreign language with more confidence.

Repeat After me

The first step is to just get used to physically saying the words out loud. Get an audio course that gives you plenty of opportunity to repeat after a native speaker. The ideal is when the speaker says the word slowly, syllable by syllable, then at a natural speed and you get a chance to repeat both times. If you can’t find a good course through your local library or bookstore, look around online. No courses at all? Try singing along to a song you know well or have the lyrics to.

Talk to Yourself

Once you’ve already been speaking along with someone else, move on to speaking alone. Just saying a few words aloud when no one else is around helps you get used to hearing yourself say foreign words. Repeating words and phrases aloud also helps you remember them better.

Grab your phrase book, pick out a very common phrase (“Hello,” “Good afternoon,” “Excuse me.”), and say it out loud in as close to normal volume as you can. Keep practicing like this until saying new words out loud when you practice is almost a habit. Eventually, it will no longer sound strange to hear those foreign words coming out of your month.

Join a Class

“Weakness in numbers” is one way to reduce your fear of making mistakes in front of someone. An acquaintance of mine only took language classes with 10 or more people because she felt more comfortable seeing that she wasn’t the only one who made mistakes. (As a bonus, bigger classes also tend to be cheaper.)

If you don’t like the idea of speaking in front of that many people, though, taking lessons with just two or three others still takes a lot of the pressure of you. It will give you the chance to talk a little bit without forcing you to talk for the entire lesson.

Assess Yourself

The fact is unless you learned strictly from printed material, you probably sound a lot better than you think. Yes, you may have a strong accent and make grammatical errors, but when you talk, people are concentrating on what you say more than how you say it.

The absolute best way to build your confidence is to speak the language with a native speaker. The idea might be a little scary, but once you realize you can communicate with native speakers, your confidence will soar.

If you can snag a native speaker, but you’re not ready for a full conversation, start by simply pronouncing those basic phrases you’ve been practicing. Ask, “So, now, am I pronouncing this right? Is is …?” You’ll either get, “Yeah, that’s right!,” “No, actually it’s…,” or “Um, I’m sorry, what word are you trying to say?” The last two replies do not mean your conversation partner assumes you have an IQ lower than your shoe size. They know you’re learning.

Another good trick is—now don’t run away screaming—recording yourself. Basic physiology means we never hear our own voice the way others hear it. By listening to a recording of yourself, you’ll know for sure what other people hear when you speak. As long as it doesn’t sound like garbled shrieks from the devil incarnate, you’re probably all right.

Extra Tip: Watch Movies

Pick up some movies made for a native speaking audience and watch, listening for whatever words you can make out. This brings your target language out of the academic realm and into the realm of everyday use. When you’re just starting with a language, you tend to have a subconscious belief that these foreign words are just “funny sounds” and may not “work” for actual communication. Hearing them used by real people (albeit actors) in context makes you realize that those funny sounds do “work.”

Be Aware of Cultural Expectations

Very generally speaking, the more common the language, the less props you’ll get for your attempt to learn. Speakers of some languages have a reputation for being particular about how their language is spoken. A Swiss lady I knew once mentioned that although she spoke fluent French, whenever she spoke French to natives of France, they made not-too-impressed comment about her accent. Others may be a little cliquish about (or protective of) their language—as an extension of their culture—and not appreciate your attempts to butt in.

The point is to realize that if your efforts aren’t warmly received, check with other learners. You’re probably not the only one getting a cool reception. Keep doing the best you can and know that those who laugh or make rude comments are most likely either monolingual or are hypocrites who don’t have the language skills they demand of you.

Have your own tips to share with FFLL readers? How to build your confidence when you’re learning another language? If you have any suggestions, please leave a comment below.